How do you help your child deal with monsters?

Kids and monsters. I’m not talking about real monsters, such as abusers or bullies. I’m talking about those imaginary monsters that often loom in the theater of little minds. Kids and monsters is what's on my mind right now because our little guy said he only wants to sleep in our bed with us because he's afraid of monsters and dragons coming to get him.

Some blame YouTube or TV or movies mentioning monsters and dragons. But that could not be the case 100 or more years ago with children who were afraid of monsters, dragons, or boogie men under the bed. Those nasty critters have always been around.

So, what to do? You can try and tell your child to ignore it or scold him for being so foolish to think that or warn her that if she didn't stop thinking like that she'll be punished. Or you can deflect the fear by changing the subject. But that won't help after a few minutes or so.

Or you can talk through their fears and address the emotions. Until they are over seven or eight, those "irrational" fears cannot be rationalized away. What are some ways to walk with them through their fears?

• Acknowledge the fear for what it is. Discuss how everyone fears something. Fear is normal and helps us be prepared to protect ourselves. After all, it is a good thing to fear danger.

• Talk about what fear feels like. Have your child name the fear and give it different names: scared, terror, fright, afraid, alarm, horror. Have her give you the level of fear: just a little bit or very, very, very afraid.

• Chat about how to deal with monsters and that we all have them in our lives. The older we get the more we can see them. But we can still face them with courage. Feel the fear but do the right thing. Be brave and forge through it. This is where good stories of courage and bravery are helpful.

Share how you have overcome your fears and dealt with your monsters in life. This is far more helpful and realistic than trying to teach your child that monsters don't exist. The fact of the matter is, they do exist. They just take different forms as we get older. Our children need to know how to deal with them when they show up in their various forms.

How have you encountered and dealt with your monsters? For me, sometimes it means turning my back and walking away. Those monsters will yell at me but they won't chase me down. Sometimes, it means confronting them, facing them down with truth. Sometimes, it means calling for help to take care of the monsters. Sometimes, it means showing them lots of mercy, grace, and love and becoming friends.

This approach has been our little boy's natural way. He almost always asks if the monster or dragon will be his friend. And that solves it. At least for the night.

• Give them something tangible to ward off the monsters, or dragons. Since these creatures are real but invisible to the child (hurray imagination) but imaginary to us, we can use creative ways to deal with them. We have a spray bottle of water and will mist the places monsters hide. Water makes them shrink to the size of ants. Farting is effective at making monsters pop but that's not always easy to do on cue. There are other ways too, you know?

• In the course of talking about fear, we often chat about love. What does love feel like? What is love? How does the child feel when mommy, daddy, or puppy, gives hugs, cuddles, and love? Switching one negative feeling and emotion for another one such as love is healthy and often effective. Why? Because fear stirs up stress hormones like cortisol, arousing the freeze, fight, or flight response. Those hormones are what gives us the feeling of fear. However, focusing on and experiencing love stimulates the oxytocin hormone. Oxytocin is a major calming hormone that gives a sense of peace, calm, and rest.

• Then, there is God. Our three-year-old has begun to talk quite a bit about God. He talks with God "way up there." God is up there and also invisible. God is a spirit, and ginormous - bigger than all the world and certainly bigger than any monster. God loves us. God can protect if he wants. God decides what is the best way to deal with monsters, and it's worth having your little talk about what ways God does that. The Bible is filled with ample stories of how God dealt with monsters. Your life is probably filled with how God came to your rescue too?

But the biggest hero is the very courageous Jesus who faced his worst monster a number of times. One time, Jesus confronted this monster with truth and it went away. Another time, monsters tried to capture him or kill him, but Jesus always escaped - because he wanted to. The worst time was when the evil monster attacked Jesus and buried him. Those bad monsters were so happy to get rid of Jesus. But then, Jesus came back and came back better than ever. He came back to life with a new body and no one could ever hurt him again.

By the way, reading or telling your child about Aslan in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is a good way to address this.

So, how do you deal with monsters?