Your Call to be a Gentle Parent
Your Call to Be a Gentle Parent
One of the most important qualities of a parent is gentleness. This is even more so for Christian parents. Why is this?
Why be gentle?
First, God is gentle
It’s mind-blowing to think that the all-powerful, creator God of the universe is also gentle.
A prophet wrote, “You (Lord) have also given me the shield of Your salvation; Your gentleness has made me great” (2 Samuel 22:36). King David declared, “You have also given me the shield of Your salvation; Your right hand has held me up, Your gentleness has made me great” (Psalm 18:35).
Then, when God became Man who we know as Jesus, he told people to “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:29).
And God the Holy Spirit brings forth his fruit in believers, one of which is gentleness (Galatians 5:23).
Since we are created in God’s image, we have every reason to be like him as gentle people. Since Christians are being recreated in Christ’s image, we should be more and more like him as gentle people (Ephesians 4:25; Colossians 3:10).
Second, God calls us to be gentle
We are told, “Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand (Philippians 4:5). Elders, who are to be models of what it means to be like Jesus are urged to “…flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness” (1 Timothy 6:11). Believers in Jesus are to follow their example in Christlikeness.
Christians are also those who think God’s thoughts about life because we have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:6-16). Thinking about life like Christ is what wisdom is all about. It is to think God’s thoughts and apply them in skillful ways. One key characteristic of Christ-like wisdom is gentleness. That’s what James tells us when he wrote, “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy” (James 3:17).
But what is gentleness?
Gentleness is a mindset of humility and meekness expressed through grace and kindness. In the New Testament, meekness is not weakness. It is unpretentious, controlled power. A great illustration is how the ancient Greeks used it to describe a powerful stallion who had his life under control. It is restrained power (2 Sam. 22:36; Psalm 18:35; 1 Timothy 3:2,3).
The idea of gentleness is a very important quality in a Christian and quite important for the Christian parent. It is characterized by kindness, mildness, patience, reasonableness, and filled with grace. Gentleness deals with others where they are and encourages them to grow into what they ought to be. Because of what Jesus has done in one’s life, the gentle Christian parent can say these are ways His gentleness is working in him or her:
I am kind and gracious like Jesus Christ (Matt. 11:29; Acts 24:4; 2 Cor. 10:1; 1 Thess. 2:7).
I am becoming more and more wise, exercised in gentleness (James 3:17).
I reflect care, affection, and good-will toward my children, spouse, and others (Eph. 4:2).
I show a carefulness in choosing words and expressions so as not to unnecessarily offend (Gal. 6:1).
I am not abrupt, rude, terse, tactless or critical in my communications (Eph. 4: 1 Tim. 6:11).
I am firm, but diplomatic even when correcting my child (Gal. 6:1; 2 Tim. 2:23-25).
In short, I exercise the fruit of God’s Spirit (Gal. 5:23; Phil. 4:5).
What are a gentle parent’s characteristic ways?
1. I am gentle and not pugnacious (1 Tim. 3:3; Ti. 1:7 )
Someone who is pugnacious is someone who is aggressive, belligerent, confrontational and contentious. To be contentious means to compete, to engage in controversy, to be adversarial (Pro. 18:6; 21:19, 22:16; 25:24; Jer. 15:10; 1 Cor. 11:16; Gal. 5:19-20). It is a habit of mind filled with chronic, negative and hurtful behaviors. The parent is growing in Christ-likeness, so he or she can say that most of the time:
I am not a hitter or striker.
I am not prone to violence, not given to blows, and not a fighter.
I am not one who is caustic and harsh with words.
I don’t lash out when hurt nor alienate my family by my attacking behaviors.
I am not eagerly determined to make my point or get my way.
I don’t follow through with a hot temper (Prov. 3:30; 15:18; 17:14; 20:3; 25:8; 26:17; Phil. 2:3).
2. I am gentle in that I am not quarrelsome (1 Tim. 3:2, 3; 2 Tim. 2:14)
To be quarrelsome or argumentative means to bicker, dispute, squabble, wrangle
I have an aversion to verbal fighting, quarreling, and arguing (Prov. 17:14; 20:3; Rom. 13:13; Eph. 4:31; 1 Tim. 3:3; 2 Tim. 2:24).
Though I am not a contentious disputer, I do know what, when, and how to debate for the purpose of building my child up.
I do not rejoice and take delight in outdoing my child and defeating his or her ideas and beliefs. Thus, I have no harsh dogmatism or a strongly offensive approach toward people (1 Tim. 6:3-5; 2 Tim. 2:22-26; Ti. 3:9).
Instead, more and more I have a sense of peace, tranquility, and calmness. I am a peacemaker, someone who is able to bring calm to a stormy situation (Eccl. 10:4; Matt. 5:9; Rom. 12:18; 14:19; Heb. 12:14; Jas. 3:17).
As Christian parents, we were created to be gentle, and in Christ, we are being recreated in his gentle likeness. We also have a call to be gentle toward others but even more toward our family. Gentleness is a character of strength, a mindset of humility with controlled power. It is characterized by kindness, patience, mildness, reasonableness, and filled with grace. Gentleness is a result of being in Christ and filled by his Spirit.
Gentleness is not only what we have in Christ, but it is also a call for us to live as parents. It reflects and honors God when we are gentle. What’s more, being gentle and treating our children with gentleness has been shown to help children grow with mental and emotional stability, have caring and healthy relationships, and foster a life of happiness and flourishing. But that’s a subject for another time.
Dr. Don
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