Developing Godly Communication Skills
Speaking like Jesus in truth and love
Developing Godly Communication Skills
Thinking God’s thoughts and living the Jesus-like way happens for those who are in Christ through grace and by faith. These characteristics are descriptions or imperatives from the Bible revealing what God desires for his people. However, while these qualities and virtues for communicating in a godly way are clear, we need to remind ourselves that we can only do these things with changed hearts, through God’s Word, and in the power of the Holy Spirit. We also need to understand that these are qualities of growth and maturity. Ultimately, we ought to live according to what God wants of our interpersonal relationships but most realize that the best will be done substantially and never without flaw this side of heaven.
What is Biblical communication?
1. Communication done in truth and love.
2. Suitable – must have sufficient information in order to communicate, function, and relate properly.
3. Verbal and non-verbal communication that reflects life in Jesus Christ.
Godly communication is truthful and loving
A. How do you learn to speak truthfully?
1. Saturate your life with Truth
a. Come to know Christ who is the Truth through His Word, the Bible.
b. Walk before the face of God in truth
1 Kings 2:4
2 Kings 20:3
Prov. 12:22 -Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, But those who deal truthfully
are His delight.
2. Listen, learn, and live the truth
Ephesians 4:11-15 –
2 Cor. 12:6 -
Ephesians 4:25 -
Ephesians 6:14 -
3. Be filled with the Holy Spirit of Truth.
One of the fruits of God is truth (Eph. 5:9).
B. How or in what ways should you communicate truth and do so truthfully?
1. Teach others the Truth.
(Deut. 6:4-9; Col. 3:16; Heb. 5:11-14; 1 Tim. 2:7)
A. Wetherall Johnson says that the real aim of all teaching is “to make God Himself and what He says in the Bible so real that those who listen will do something about it.” Teaching is imparting biblical knowledge that will ultimately affect attitudes and behavior.
2. Build up one another in Truth.
(Acts 20:32; Rom. 14:19; 15:2; 1 Cor. 14:26; Eph. 4:12-13; 1 Thess. 5:11)
This means that you are involved in promoting the spiritual growth and development of godly character of others in your family and the church.
3. Admonish one another with Truth.
(Rom. 15:14; 1 Cor. 10:11; Eph. 6:4; Col. 1:28; 3:16; 1 Thess. 5:12, 14; 2 Thess. 3:15; Titus 3:10)
To admonish means to “train by your word” through encouragement, reproof, or protest.
a. Truth is helpful and at times hurtful. Yet truth has the ability to heal spiritually, emotionally, and to heal relationships (Pro. 25:11; Eccles. 12:11; Isa. 50:4; Eph. 4:29).
b. You are called upon to be firm, but diplomatic even when correcting opponents (Gal. 6:1; 2 Tim. 2:23-25).
4. Exhort and encourage one another by truth.
(Heb. 3:13; 10:24-25; 1 Thess. 4:18; 5:11)
a. Exhorting and encouraging one another means to urge and bolster others in their Christian walk by giving aid and comfort. The first way is through God’s truth.
b. You are to exhort by strengthening, counseling, and by being a true friend in doing whatever is necessary to promote their good welfare.
5. Bless others by speaking the truth.
Speaking truthfully and wisely has the ability to bring healing and refreshment to others (Pro. 3:3, 7; 8:7; 16:24; 30:8; Eph. 4:25ff).
C. In what manner should you speak to others?
Our speech reveals our heart. While the way we communicate is mixed with good or bad, at times, the choice of language and vocabulary can reveal either a biblical viewpoint or a sinful one (Eph. 4:25 cp 4:15).
1. Speak graciously –be frank but diplomatic, but not insulting, demeaning or inconsiderate or harsh
Col 4:6 - Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one (Eccles. 10:11).
a. Your speech should serve grace to others and be helpful for the moment (Pro. 10:32; 15:23; Eph. 4:29).
b. Your speech should be gracious, so that it can be readily received and preserved (Pro. 15:26; Eccles. 10:12; Col. 4:6).
c. Even when you are required to speak firmly, be tactful when correcting opponents (Gal. 6:1; 2 Tim. 2:23-25).
2. Use wholesome language (Ti 2:8; 1:9; 2:2; 1 Tim. 6:3)
This means that your speech lacks evil (Psa. 120:2).
3. Speak boldly.
Speak appropriately and with straight-forwardness (Matt. 5:37). Truth can be offensive, but that should never keep you from speaking it. You are to speak the truth, and not be so concerned with how the recipient will respond. Often s/he will respond by taking offense, but that is not your concern. Speak boldly the truth and leave the consequences to God.
4. Speak carefully
(Examples: Pro. 5:2; 10:32; 15:23; and 18:1-8).
5. In sum, speak the truth with love – gently but firmly, with the intention of helping and building up (Pro. 15:4; 1 Cor. 13; Gal. 6:1; Eph. 4:15; and 5:9).
Sinful or abusive talk
How not to communicate.
Self-Check: Not Speaking the Truth in Love
(Sinful attitudes and behaviors I need to put off)
Circle the bullet points next to the descriptions that are true for you most of the time.
I am consistently slow or unwilling to listen; I have a habit of interrupting (Prov. 18:13; James 1:19).
I do not listen to others well and then react or draw improper conclusions (Pro. 25: 8; 18:17; 27:2; 18:13; Job 13:5).
I refuse to try to understand the other person’s opinions (Jas. 1:19 cp. Pro. 18:2, 13, 15; Phil. 3:15,16).
I am quick to speak and slow to listen (Psa. 106:33; Prov. 15:23, 28:29:20; Jas. 1:19).
I talk too much (Job 11:2; 16:3; Eccles. 5:3; 6:11; 10:14).
My words are rash (Pro. 12:18; 29:20).
I flatter to manipulate people (Psa. 12:3).
I lie in order to manipulate things in my favor (Ex. 23:1,7; Psa. 34:13; 58:3; 109:2; Pro. 6:16-19; 12:19; 14:5, 25; 26:24; 28:24; Hos. 4:2; Mk. 7:21-22). Note: liars hate those to whom they tell lies (Pro. 26:28).
I am generally or often argumentative, quarrelsome or contentious (Prov. 15:18; 17:14; 20:3; Rom. 13:13; Eph. 4:31; 1 Tim. 3:3; 2 Tim. 2:24).
Argumentative means to bicker, dispute, squabble, wrangle
Contentious means to compete, to engage in controversy, to be adversarial (Pro. 18:6; 21:19, 22:16; 25:24; Jer. 15:10; 1 Cor. 11:16; Gal. 5:19-20).
I nag (Pro. 10:19; 16:21, 23; 17:9; 18:6,7; 21:19; 27:15).
I brag (Psa. 94:4; Jer. 48:29,20).
I respond verbally to others with uncontrolled anger ((Pro. 14:29; 15:1; 25:15; 29:11; Eph. 4:26, 31).
I attack those who criticize or blame me (Psa. 10:7; 64:3; Jer. 18:18; Rom. 12:17, 21; 1 Pet. 2:23; 3:9).
Call other people names, mock or make fun of them (Pro. 12:18; 16:24; Matt. 7:12; Eph. 4:29,30; Col. 4:6).
My words are biting; they reveal my anger and bitterness (Psa. 10:7; 64:2ff).
I use language or tone of speech that provokes children to anger (Eph. 6:4) or exasperates them (Col. 3:20).
‘Grumble and complain’ could be my middle name (Phil. 2:14; Jas 5:9).
I use words that discourage (Pro. 18:1; Psa. 10:7; Ps. 64:2ff cp. Heb. 3:13; 10:24-25).
What comes from my mouth is often cursing instead of blessing (Psa.10:7; 64:2-4; 109:17).
I use rotten talk. This is speech that tears down, is non-beneficial, or presumptive (Eph. 4:29; 2 Tim. 2:26; Jas. 4:11-12).
I murder with my mouth (Pro. 11:9; 18:20,21; Matt. 5:21, 22; Jas. 4:11; 5:9).
o By cutting others with gossip. Gossip means to reveal or discuss personal facts about another person for no legitimate purposes; it often betrays a confidence. It is used to diminish a person’s reputation in the eyes of another (Prov. 11:13; 16:28; 20:!9; 26:20; 2 Cor.12:20; 1 Tim. 5:13).
o By slander –speaking false or malicious words about another, also used to diminish a person’s reputation in the eyes of another (Lev. 19:16; Psa. 15:3; Pro. 10:18; 50:20; 2 Tim. 3:3; Ti 2:3; 3:2; Jude 1:10) .
o By destroying with words rather than building up (Ex. 20:16; Pro. 11:19; 12:18; Jas. 3:5-6 cp. Acts 20:32; Rom. 14:19; 15:2; 1 Cor. 14:26; Eph.6:18-19; 1 Tim. 2:1-4).
o I cut others down behind their backs (Psa. 15:2,3).
With words that speak down or cut down another (Jas. 4:11). I condemn instead of commend ((Phil. 1:3; 1 Thess. 1:2; 2 Thess. 1:3).
I speak harshly (Pro. 15:1; 1 Sam. 25:10-11).
I scold (Mark 14:3-5; Pro. 15:1; Col. 4:6; Matt. 16:22, 23; 18:15; I Cor. 16:14).
I make rash judgments. That is condemning another without proper investigation (2 Sam. 16:4; 19:24ff; Matt. 7:1-3; John 9:12ff; 1 Cor. 4:5).
Tell stories (tale bearing) that are injurious to another (Prov. 11:13; 17:9; 18:8; 20:19; 26:20).
I am a false witness against others (Ex. 23:1; Deut. 5:20; Pro. 21:28).
When I speak the truth it is often to harm another person.
Am I verbally abusive?
When the preponderance of the above qualities is evident and my overall demeanor and the overall tone of my life is sinfully negative and oppressive because of my words, then I would be considered verbally abusive.
Note that abusive spouses or parents are characterized by harsh and offensive communication styles in the home where he or she can keep such unloving and cruel attitudes and behaviors a secret from others outside the home.
Speaking the Truth in Love
(Christ-like qualities to put on – Eph. 4:21-32)
I have a love of God’s truth rather than such things as position, fame, abilities, possessions, etc., which are soon to pass away. (1 Thess. 5:21; Heb. 3:6; 4:14; 10:23; Rev. 3:3).
My speech is often used to praise God (Psa. 66:17; 71:24; 119:172; Phil. 2:11; etc.).
I desire to please God in my speech (1 Cor. 10:31; 2 Cor. 5:9).
Words have power of death and life, so I am careful with how I talk (Pro. 18:1).
I recognize that I must not be careless in the use of my words, since I will give an account of them in the Day of Judgment (Matt. 12:36).
I struggle and work to guard my mouth (Psa. 39:1; 141:3) so as to avoid all kinds of problems (Pro. 21:23).
I am careful to use the right words at the right time (Pro. 10:19).
I think before I talk (Pro. 15:28).
I am slow to speak and quick to listen (Pro. 15:23, 28; 29:20; 18:13; Jas. 1:19).
Wise speech brings healing. Often what I say brings healing and refreshment to others (Pro. 8:7).
I work to grow in my life that I might be wise, so that my words are words of wisdom (Psa. 35:28; 37:30).
I speak truthfully (Psa. 34:13; Pro. 8:7; Eph. 4:25).
I speak the truth with love – gently but firmly, with the intention of helping (Pro. 15:4; 1 Cor. 13; Gal. 6:1; Eph. 4:15; 5:9).
My speech is often without bitterness, anger, wrath, yelling, slander or malice (Psa. 10:7; 64:2-4; Eph. 4:29-32).
When I speak, it is often gracious, courteous, helpful, tender, sympathetic, forgiving (Eph. 4:29-32).
My speech serves grace to others and is helpful for the moment (Eph. 4:29).
My speech is gracious, so that it can be readily received and preserved (Col. 4:6).
I speak appropriately and with straight-forwardness (Matt. 5:37).
I exhort (entreat and encourage in the truth) and encourage others (Heb. 3:13; 10:24-25; 1 Thess. 4:18; 5:11).
I teach others (Deut. 6:4-9; Col. 3:16; Heb. 5:11-14).
I admonish and do so with kindness (Rom. 15:14; 1 Cor. 10:11; Eph. 6:4; Col. 1:28; 3:16; 1 Thess. 5:12, 14; 2 Thess. 3:15; Titus 3:10).
My communication builds up others (Acts 20:32; Rom. 14:19; 15:2; 1 Cor. 14:26; Eph. 4:12-13; 1 Thess. 5:11).
My words are sometimes firm but they are diplomatic even when correcting those who oppose me (Gal. 6:1; 2 Tim. 2:23-25).
I often pray that God would deliver me from an evil tongue (Psa. 120:2).